THE BLOG

03
Dec

How to Speak Life When Someone Is Grieving

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Proverbs 18:31

The ongoing theme of this podcast is to Speak Life to your situation. How do you “speak life” to someone going through the grieving process? Death is a part of life. Nobody likes it. It comes in all forms and never when you are ready. Grief is a part of the human experience, and we grieve not just for the person who has died, but also for the part of our life they take with them

Here are three suggestions on what to say when someone is grieving that is not insensitive, or cliché.

  1. I wish I had the right words, just know that I care.
  2. I don’t know how you feel, but know I am here to help in any way I can.
  3. If you want to talk, I’d love to listen. I’m here if you would like to talk about it.

 

I bring up the often gloomy subject of death, dying and dealing with loss. It is one of those few subjects that is always present just below the service but we rarely want to discuss.

150,000 people die every day. 90% of them die naturally.

I want you to live. One of the purposes of this show is to make you stronger, happier and better. So, to do that I wanted to cover this topic if possible to inoculate you if I could. When the issue of death comes up in your family or you hear about it from a friend, you will have some points of view and things to remember..

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” ~Norman Cousins

What is it about death that scares us?

What is it about death that intrigues us?

Death is the great mystery. It may be a taboo subject, or it may be the most controversial topic I have been spoken publically about. We all must die.

There is no age requirement. It can happen at anytime.

“There are only three things for certain, trouble, death and taxes, this I know.” – Marvin Gaye

So we all must die, but how many of us truly live. What is life then? What is the meaning of life?

How do you know you are living a good life? Can you gauge it, measure it, and quantify it?

To die “naturally today in the U.S. usually means they died from heart disease, stroke, obesity, and aging. Infectious disease is in this equation somewhere and comes when we are weak.

In 2012, suicide took out more people than car crashes, followed by poisoning, and murder.

Death affects us differences. We grieve differently. It’s a loss. It’s guilt. It’s the realization. That we are mortal.

Grieving is a progress. How should we handle death? Should it be with remorse, or with a celebration?

I have learned that there are five stages of grief. They also happen at other times in our lives. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Denial is the first of the five stages of grief. It helps us to survive the loss. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on, if we can go on, why we should go on. We try to find a way to simply get through each day. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible.

Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. We can get out of hand with the anger. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love.

Before a loss, it seems like you will do anything if only your loved one would be spared. “Please God, ” you bargain, “I will never be angry at my wife again if you’ll just let her live.” After a loss, bargaining may take the form of a temporary truce. “What if I devote the rest of my life to helping others. Then can I wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream?” We become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements. We want life returned to what is was; we want our loved one restored. We want to go back in time: find the tumor sooner, recognize the illness more quickly, stop the accident from happening…if only, if only, if only. Guilt is often bargaining’s companion. The “if only” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. We may even bargain with the pain. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. We remain in the past, trying to negotiate our way out of the hurt.

After bargaining, our attention moves squarely into the present. Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. It’s important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone? Why go on at all? Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be unusual. When a loss fully settles in your soul, the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way.

Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually we accept it. We learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. In resisting this new norm, at first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must readjust. We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time.

How do you handle death? Religions always have tried to explain it. I give you the views of several different ones on this episode.

I suggest that you handle death and those grieving with compassion and with your ears and your heart. Just listen. Don’t try to be or say anything. Just be a shoulder to cry on and a person. Don’t project your pain.

Death is a natural part of life. We collectively don’t handle it well. We tend to internalize it, allow it to eat at us and hurt us more. Understand that it is a process you learn to handle over time. Loss is a very big issue.

Loss is associated with irrational thoughts and behaviors. It comes from felling like we are out of control. The reality is that loss is inevitable.

How we choose to see things dictates how we’ll experience them. Would you rather see everything as precious or pointless?

I don’t know if I succeeded in helping you with this monologue on death, dying and loss. I would like to know what you think though.

 

It is not death that man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. – Marcus Aurelius

 

 

Join us a http://join.speaklifepodcast.com

Subscribe to the Podcast today.  Http://googleplay.speaklifepodcast.com (android)

Http://speaklifepodcast.com (apple)

 

Kenn

 

 

02
Dec

9 – Real Men Follow Jesus

On episode 9, I would like to introduce a new feature that will give you information about keeping your money, and improving your finances.  To start it off this week we are talking credit cards.  You know those little things we can’t do without these days?  The podcast received 1000 downloads for the month and I estimate about 100 subscribers.  If you like the show will you leave it a positive review on Apple podcast or Google Play

 

Our weekly bible reading begins the book of Exodus, the second book of Moses.

 

I have a special guest on this week’s show.  His name is Paul G. Markel.  He is a good guy in my book.  He is an example of a Christian man that is not portrayed on TV and movies.  He is also a warrior, father, and husband.

 

He has worn many hats during his lifetime. He has been a U.S. Marine, Police Officer, Professional Bodyguard, and Small Arms and Tactics Instructor. Mr. Markel has been writing professionally for law enforcement and firearms periodicals for nearly twenty years with hundreds and hundreds of articles in print. Paul is a regular guest on nationally syndicated radio talk shows and subject matter expert in firearms training and use of force.  He has a large internet presence under the name Student of the Gun. (SOTG)  In this conversation, he shares info on three books of the many he has penned.

 

·         Dad rules

·         Team Honey Badger

·         Faith the Patriot: a Belief Worth Fighting for

Last week I was pretty successful with my podcasting projects even though I am not real happy with the quality of the recordings that I dropped into my shows.  I hope you forgive me for that.  I think it was because I was off my normal schedule and wanted to produce everything before everybody came home for the holiday meal.

 

Thanksgiving day, I got a chance to go visit my son in his new place.  I am so proud of the man.  I fired up the van that I plan to have restored and made into an evangelical vessel for this podcast. And watched him play one of his favorite video games on a 60 inch tv.  Hard to believe how blessed we are.

 

Well I was getting ready to leave for dinner and jumped back in the van.  Reminded my son, not to be late for Thanksgiving Day dinner, put the key in the ignition and the van wouldn’t start.  It ran and ran.  I decided to ditch it for the day and hope that nobody would leave it sitting on blocks before I could get a tow truck to take it to my favorite mechanic.  We had to literally push this 8500 lb beast out of his driveway and onto the street.  I was praying as I pushed this thing that it would hug the curb and be in a safe place.  The Lord provided.   I jumped in the car with my son and we arrived home to eat dinner with my wife and daughter that had been cooking for 24 hrs. I believe.  My daughter’s boyfriend and son came over later after we were patting our bellies and loosening our belts. 

 

Well, looks like the fuel pump is gone, the sensors need to be replaced, something wrong with the transmission, the Serpentine belt needs replacement, it needs new rims, and a radio but I still like this vehicle.  It’s paid for.  It is a beast.  And after I get all the mechanical stuff fixed its going to get the facelift so that it can be wrapped to market and evangelize.  http://gofundme.com/speaklifepodcast

 

Thank you for being with me.

29
Nov

We have these treasures in earthen vessels

I have tried many things over the years and unfortunately have a reputation for it.  Whenever I interview someone for anything outside of my Black Man with A Gun persona, they remind me of all the things I have tried, started, and failed.  It is never done maliciously.  It is just a statement of fact.  The Black Man with a Gun persona refers to the gun rights activism, firearms training business, website and podcast I have had since 1991.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. ~ Confucius

On October 1, 2017, I started to plan a new podcast in spite of my record.  My goal is to do the will that God has for my life.

Whereof I was made a minister, according to the gift of the grace of God given unto me by the effectual working of his power.  Ephesians 3:7

Acknowledging that I am far from perfect.  I am still a work in progress.  On my best days I know that I have this gift of His grace in an “earthen vessel.”

The Speak Life Podcast is a ministry for all that want it.  I will be providing insight into the Bible.  We will be sharing the Gospel message.  The mission is to help others make better life choices, and provide mobile Christian fellowship that transforms lives.  I got this from Isaiah 52:7 which three points I am going to follow for this show.

•             Bringing Good News
•             Proclaiming Peace
•             Proclaiming Salvation

 

The next big thing is that I am working on the paperwork for a nonprofit.  I am already one in Maryland but have to make it federal.  There is always something you don’t know.

During the Thanksgiving holiday I heard a lot of bad news.  Several people took their own lives.  Some murdered their families (none of these I knew personally but someone did).  Evil is still here.  Please pray for me to stay focused, defeat the enemies of God and be an effective witness for Christ.  Thank you for listening to this show.

I looked at the download stats last night and saw that the show has had 1000 downloads in November.  I also saw about 100 regular subscribers.  Thank you.

Please share what I can help you with in Christ.  What are the subject of your prayers?  How do you want me to pray for you or what petition do you desire confirmation?  Are you saved?   What questions do you have about faith, and God?  Would you like a conversation via phone or video?

Please let me know.

I am designing a lapel pin, would you want one?  Let me know.

Kenn

 

speaklifepodcast.com

Googleplay.speaklifepodcast.com

 

 

25
Nov

8 – How To Handle Loneliness

All of us go through periods of loneliness.  This time of year it can be chronic.  Here’s some tips to help you get through this season.  Introducing a group the Lord sent me called Speak Life. iwillspeaklife.com Our bible reading continues and concludes with the story of Joseph in Genesis.  Happy Thanksgiving.  Hello Holiday Season.

 

 

 

23
Nov

I Will Speak Life

I chose the name Speak Life without knowing it was NOT original. Only because of the power of God would this work. I found this group and was blown away by their sound, ministry and spirit.

Look at GOD!

Here is a group called I Will Speak Life. They allowed me to use their music as an anthem. I hope you like it and them as much as I do.

The theme music is now from the Gospel group Speak Life.

They are:

Christopher Michael (Artist, Producer, Musician, Song Writer)

Shintara Nicole (Artist, Song Writer, Comedian)

Kiki (Song Writer, Poet, Singer)

Whitney (Singer, praise dancer)

Gary (lead & bass guitar)

Koury (Drummer)

David Harding (bass guitar)

Sherman Napier (keyboards)

Jordan Brooks (keyboards)

Speak Life, a dynamic group that hails out of Cincinnati, OH, has been taking the country by storm. Not only are they unique in sound, but in purpose. Their mission to bring life and hope through music produces a sound that aims to influence the listener’s thinking and speaking. Their transparency, relevancy and lovable personality sets them apart as more than a group, but a ministry. Speak Life has a real story, and a passion for change.

Speak Life has shared the stage with award winning National Recording Artists: Donnie McClurkin, Leeland, CeCe Winans, The Afters, J. Moss, Canton Jones, Mali Music, Le’ Andria Johnson and many more. Known for their stage presence and out-the-box presentation; Speak Life has quickly become a favorite to enjoy when it comes to inspiration and live music.

They released their debut album, Exposed, on August 4th, 2012. Their first two singles, “Hide Me” and ”Inhabit This Praise”, was promoted nationally by Gospel Industry’s best, Tracey Artis of I Hear Music Inc., and both singles broke top 100 on the Gospel Billboard Charts. You can purchase Exposed on iTunes, Amazon.com, Google Music Store, CD Baby and many other digital stores.

Speak Life received the I Hear Music Award for Group of the Year and Youth Performers of the Year. They have been nominated for several Rhythm of Gospel Awards and although Speak Life continues to gain many accolades and grow new fans, their main objective is to make an impact through the power of Christ. Speak Life’s heart is after wining souls for the Kingdom, encouraging the hearts of God’s elect, and taking the faith and worship of His children to new levels.

23
Nov

Secrets of a happily married man [podcast 7]

On this episode of the Speak Life Podcast I share some thoughts I call “Exposing the Secrets of A Happily Married Man”
You can get the Kindle version here http://a.co/diLX7mM its not a pretty book, but all the text I spoke can be found there if you want it.

In our Bible reading, we continue with the story of Joseph of Genesis.

Please leave a review in Apple Podcast for the show.

We are still fundraising for the van. http://gofundme.com/speaklifepodcast

1 Peter 3:7
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;

Prayer

Thank You Lord for the gift of my dear wife.

Help me to be the husband that You would have me be – to encourage her and love her as Christ loved the church and to think of her needs and wishes before my own.
Let me, make me, be a encouragement in her life and her covering of protection from the evils of this world. Help me to be sensitive to her needs – knowing that I have often not realized that some of my actions and attitudes have come across as uncaring….

Father, You are love. We are not. Help us to remember that it’s not our job to get it right all of the time. We are created in Your image but we are not You and cannot love, or receive love, perfectly. Bless our marriages with a camaraderie of seeking You above each other, in trust that You hear us, love us, and are capable of the impossible.

Lord, teach me to be a good husband – a man that is prepared to lead and to listen – a man that is prepared to carry out my duties, both wisely and lovingly – for I desire to take on the role that You have ordained for me in our marriage, in a manner that is well-pleasing in Your sight, in Jesus name I pray, Amen.

 

http://traffic.libsyn.com/speaklife/7_-_Speak_Life_Podcast.mp3

15
Nov

Bonus Content: Prayer For Your Wife

Pray with me.  If you don’t have a wife or are the wife, this content is my attempt to have the fellas pray for you.

1 Peter 3:7

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;

New American Standard Version 

Thank You Lord for the gift of my dear wife.

 

12
Nov

Guns Don't Kill People, Depression Kills People

Shout out to my brothers from MSG Det Am Embassy London 82-83 Happy Birthday Marines, Happy Veterans Day.

Depression and the silence of men in pain is my subject this week. I have a talk with a professional mental health friend and contributor to the show Dr. Dave.

Please join our email list  – Why, because everyone that does gets a preview of whats coming, show notes for the current episode posting, and links they can share with those that aren’t onboard with us yet, or in case you missed a point, a show, or something I said that can bless you.

The podcast is now on Google Play, Stitcher and Apple Podcast of course, a app is being developed for us specifically. if there is a feature you would like on it please let me know ASAP

I am also working on a very special course on church security with some friends of mine in the business of protection, its going to be a presentation, a webinar and probably one of the biggest projects I have ever done. If you or someone you know might be interested in it please subscribe to our email list so I can pass on the info as it comes,

I am also working on a cigar night fellowship in Maryland, details to come.

We are still raising money for the van, please visit gofundme.com/speaklifepodcast and see what I am talking about.

 

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

 

Six Elements of Life Experiences

Lincoln’s depression:

Understanding Depression in Men

The Art of Manliness series on depression

Good information from the National Institutes of Health

12 Signs of Depression in Men

 

Depression Among Black Men

 

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/11-times-black-celebs-opened-up-about-dealing-with-mental-health-issues_us_59678e88e4b0d51cda60c2ce

10 Black Celebrities You May Not Know Suffer From Depression

https://www.essence.com/2016/06/22/black-men-mentall-illness-heavy-head-wears-crown

Five signs the black man you love is struggling with depression

 

Resources on Purpose and Helping Men

 

Brother, You’re On My Mind program

Charlie Mike

The Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren

veterans crisis line
800-273-8255 Option 1

 

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”  Henry David Thoreau

 

10
Nov

6 – Guns Don't Kill People, Depression Kills People

Shout out to my brothers from MSG Det Am Embassy London 82-83  Happy Birthday Marines, Happy Veterans Day.

 

Depression and the silence of men in pain is my subject this week.  I have a talk with a professional mental health friend and contributor to the show Dr. Dave.  

 

 

Please join our email list at join.speaklifepodcast.com – Why, because everyone that does gets a preview of whats coming, show notes for the current episode posting, and links they can share with those that aren’t onboard with us yet, or in case you missed a point, a show, or something I said that can bless you.

 

the podcast is now on google play, stitcher and iTunes of course, a app is being developed for us specifically.  if there is a feature you would like on it please let me know ASAP

 

I am also working on a very special course on church security with some friends of mine in the business of protection, its going to be a presentation, a webinar and probably one of the biggest projects I have ever done.  If you or someone you know might be interested in it please subscribe to our email list so I can pass on the info as it comes, 

 

I am also working on a cigar night fellowship in Maryland, details to come.

 

we are still raising money for the van, please visit gofundme.com/speaklifepodcast  and see what I am talking about.

 

08
Nov

Wednesday's Prayer

Was prompted by the Holy Spirit to pray for you.  this is a bonus episode.  I hope to do this every Wednesday.  if you would like to pray with me, we can meet on Tuesday nights at 202-780-1279